Monday, March 23rd, 2009
Lately, I haven’t really had much inspiring to blog about, but I know I need to keep updating, so here I am. I guess it’s important for everyone, including myself, to realize that I’m a human being as well. That means I have needs and wants as well as day to day crap I deal with. Such as school and family issues. Tomorrow, in approximately seven hours or so, I start school. Public school, at that. After being locked up for a year, gaining some weight, and having not been in public school or really a DECENT school, I’m pretty nervous. I feel very anxious and a little afraid. I haven’t seen any of these people in over a year and not only do I look different, but I act different. I -am- different and that includes my attitude, the way I carry myself and so on and so forth. So I have to deal with all these “friends” who weren’t really friends that knew the OLD me, a crazy drug addict, that are going to have to realize I am a NEW me – a sober, loving person that deserves respect.
Not only is it the people that I will have to deal with, but also the academics. Okay, I’m book smart and, yes, I do well in school. I just don’t know how my credits are going to transfer. This is the part that will be extremely frustrating. I took Credit by Examinations while I was in jail, so those probably won’t transfer over. Which means the ONLY English credit I have is the first semester from English III. I’m supposed to be a junior, and I got a lot of credits with a lot of hard work at the rehab I was at, but I still think I’m going to be knocked down not only one grade, but also I’ll probably be taking one or two Freshman courses. Which is EXTREMELY frustrating. But I have to realize that this is completely out of my control and I will undoubtedly have to accept what comes my way. If all else fails, I can always take night school or summer school. Depending on where I stay the summer, since my parents are divorced and my mom lives in Ohio. I’m supposed to spend the summers with her, but it’s kind of in the air.
Which brings my to my next point. Mom is coming down from Ohio in exactly a week and I just found out today. I’m pretty nervous about this too. I want to prove to my mom I’m a new person. .And though, I realize that trust is NOT gained back very easily, I really want her to know that I’m different and this is my chance to show her that. I guess it has to do with instant gratification. I don’t want to have to PROVE to her that I’m different – I want her to just assume, which obviously isn’t going to happen. Ultimately, I guess I’ll just have to do what I’ve always preached – lead by example. Except in this case, I’m not really leading anyone, I’m “proving by example.”
Other than that, besides Victoria trying to be superhuman, I’m pretty good. Just stressed, I guess. I have this blog that I’m desperately trying to get out there and I have a lot of ideas for things I want to do, Maybe I’m just trying to bite more off than I can chew… Which has always been a problem for me, and also where I usually slip up or make careless mistakes. So the best thing is that I’m realizing this now and not slipping up and then wondering why. That’s what I used to do, anyway.
All in all, I think I just need some serious prayer. That’s all for tonight.. Maybe tomorrow will be more inspirational. If not, I’ll at least tell all about school and how it went.
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Tags: different person, frustration, instant gratification, lead by example, mistakes, mom, ohio, prayer, prove, prove by example, public school, respect, school, School Life, slip ups, sobriety, stress
March 30th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
You are covered in prayer on all counts, ladybug! Keep the faith…I believe in you.